i think this may just be the greatest string of tweets in the history of mankind
TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST I REMEMBER EVERYTHING BUT READING THESE TWEETS AGAIN AFTER SO MANY MONTHS IT ALMOST FEELS SURREAL LIKE “I CANT BELIEVE THIS PERSON IS ME”
the best headline i’ve ever read.
yes. apparently a kid was screaming in line behind him about wanting pie, so he bought every single one. 23 pies. then slowly ate them as he stared at the kid and kid’s mom.
This is amazing
OKAY so my mom found this article (or one about the same event) on Facebook. Basically what happened was, this guy went into BK with a headache, and while he was in line this kid and his mother enter the restaurant. The kid begins throwing a fit, screaming (I quote) “I want a fucking pie!” This is a child, mind you. His mother, on the phone, ignores the kid. The man’s headache got worse because of this screaming kid and he asked the woman if she could control her child. She told him to stop telling him how to raise her kid and went back to talking on the phone. So the guy orders his burger and all the pies they had- 23. He proceeded to the exit, only to hear the woman yell, “What do you mean, you don’t have any pies?” The cashier helplessly points out the man who bought all the pies. Our hero, to rub salt in the wound, slowly starts eating a pie before leaving.
I’m trying hard to live by Cat Principles.
1- I am glorious above all things
2- Eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, play when bored
3- Affection is given and received on my terms and only mine
4- Show displeasure clearly.
6- Demand the things you want. If they aren’t given, demand them again, but louder this time.
7- If you are touched when you don’t want to be, say so. If they continue to touch you, make them bleed.
"No, all thirteen!"
Oh, they grow up so fast.
Buttercup turned into a boy…
He sure did.
In a world where men are alphas or omegas our muses are to become ‘mates’ on order of their parents: Send ‘Alpha’ for a starter where mine is the alpha.
He stared at the other, silent and slightly nervous, if he was being absolutely truthful. And by any means, the other male could probably smell it on him. It wasn’t that he was weak. He just believed he’d been born into the wrong place, the wrong time. He hadn’t the temperament for an Alpha, and yet here he was. And now, because of some strange and irritating rule, he had to actually be the Alpha he didn’t think he was to… To this man?
He curled his lip, nose wrinkling. “Bit archaic, isn’t it?” he asked finally. “Parents telling us who to mate? Why you?” He didn’t mean to sound condescending, really. It was a defense mechanism. When he didn’t know what to do or say, he got offensive.
Scott blinked up at him, tilting his head. “Ah failed th’family.” He murmured softly.
John shook his head, sighing and gently caressing Scott’s cheek. “Well, she’s a rotten bitch,” he snarled. “Her loss is my gain anyway. I do not like seeing you sad like that.”
Scott lifted his hands, leaning into the touch. “Ah’m sorry.” He murmured softly, bowing his head. “Ah’ll not speak o’er again, Alpha.”
At the sight of John’s anger Scott bent over completely, pressing his forehead to his Alpha’s knee, and then nuzzled his thigh.
Gamma smiled as he flexed his claws, now curved and even more razor sharp. Testing it out, he grew out a long, fuzzy tail that he wrapped around his wrist. Yes, he was very pleased.
Just barely denying himself the urge to pick Gamma up and bury his face into the other’s side, Scott crouched in front of his brother, a few fingers running down his side. “Awesomely not fair.” He grumbled, sticking out his tongue.
He approached and lovingly headbutted Scott, before licking him. ”Mmm, you taste like honey,” he giggled, “pick me up?” He got on his hind legs and reached out to him with his paws that seemed too big for his little body.
Scott chuckled. He’d been working on the herb medley he smoked in his cigarettes, and Gamma had rightly commented on the honey taste - A step in the process was dipping the compressed compound in honey.
Scott lent forward, careful to support Gamma’s legs as he picked the small panther up, idly running a finger along one small wing.
"Hm-" Cam turned over in the bed. "Ye tired yet? Or dae ye jest prefer et with th’ lights off," he tried to joke, but got interrupted by a yawn.
That got a chuckle. “Woke ye up did Ah?” He paused a moment, pulling back to eye Cam proper. “Don’t let me push ye too far.” He murmured with another kiss. “S’abit o’a jump, goin’ from blow jobs t’sex n’four orgasms.” He chuckled and shifted them, rolling until Cam was on his back and Scott hovering over him, a hand still between Cam’s legs at his pucker, a finger just barely easing into Cam, checking how slick he still was from earlier. “But iff’n ye’r sure … Ah’ll ‘elp ye get t’sleep then.”
He blushed a little, but grinned as well. Yes, yes Scott had rather woken him up..! “Hmhmokay,” Cam muttered against Scott’s lips. He moved willingly, letting Scott reposition them, and reached to slip a hand into the metacrisis’ hair. Campbell hissed and squirmed a bit, not used to the invading feeling yet really.
"S’okay, Ah’ve got ya." Scott murmured softly, reaching out to grab the lube and thoroughly coated his fingers. He already knew Cam’s body well enough to know right where to go for and did, gently running a finger along Cam’s sweet spot.
He hadn’t even noticed he was clinging, but he was, one hand in Scott’s hair and the other clutching the sheets. Cam made a conscious effort to relax now, taking a few deep breaths. That didn’t stop him from letting out his breath in a shuddering ‘oh’ as Scott got him just right - not too hard or abrupt either. At once, there was also the urge to do something, anything, back. Campbell couldn’t just lie back and take without giving.
Pulling Cam into another kiss, Scott worked his fingers back and forth, gently stroking his lover’s Prostate with each pass, murmuring praises against Cam’s neck as he worked the other’s body back to a state of sensitivity that Scott could then play with like a well tuned fiddle. It was a marvel to see Cam like this, laid out and exposed and too focused on something else to remember, or care. Their likeness set aside, Campbell Bain was a beautiful man, and it really shown through when Cam couldn’t think about what his face was showing.
Grinning to himself Scott focused n Cam’s neck, running his tonue along the already dark bruises there.
He got absolutely soaked in the rain outside, so his first priority is getting a dry kit on. Or maybe he’ll just slip into his pjs and be lazy for the rest of the evening..
What Cam hadn’t expected was Scott on the bed like that. “Uhm- hullo?” He grins slightly, pulls off his soaking sweater and trips out of his jeans before getting onto the bed in just his underwear. “Y’arright?” he asks as he reaches for his pj bottoms, pulls them on.
Scott hummed against Cam’s throat, loosening his hold enough to help Cam finish dressing, before pinning Cam to the bed by laying on his chest. “M’sleepy an’ want my favorite pillow. Ye’ve been captured.” Scott murmured vaguely, not quite sure if he really should tell Cam what was up with him. “My Cam.”
Scott wasn’t normally so easily tired, but Cam didn’t mind and he decided to ask. Sometimes you just needed to focus on a solution, not the problem. “Ef et makes ye happy, I’ll lie here fere’er,” he muttered affectionately in response, drawing Scott in for a brief kiss.
That brought a smile to Scott’s face as he returned the kiss. “Ye’r so cute.” He commented with a chuckle, running a few fingers through dirty blond hair.
He smiled as Scott smiled - it was just that easy. That and the rain tapping on the windows was relaxing. “I try,” Cam laughed, kissed Scott again and pulled him closer. “Ye, tho’, are nuthin’ short of miraculous.”
Already quickly set to doze again, pressed against Cam’s warmth, Scott roused slightly, lifting an eyebrow. “What-did-I-do?” He mumbled sleepily.
The fallen god perked up when he heard the order. It was from his friend, the only real friend he had, and it was the first time Scott had ever given him a direct order. So Kakiad knew that the matter was urgent. He came immediately, stepping between space instead of through it and stopping in front of his dear friend. “What is it, Scott?” He asked, standing there in his practically see through trousers and shirt.
Blow jobs had become an art Scott was so very talented in. Learning the subtle clues of a lover’s pleasure, the best way to suck and lick and the more sensitive areas to nibble; learning a lover’s body and the best way to touch and taste and getting that angle just right to make them scream - these all were all things Scott loved about sex.
So these changes to his body were cataloged and filed in his mind, Kakiad’s reaction to the additions noted and compared to what he already knew.
Kakiad liked a little pain - and now Scott was much more equipped to give it to him. Grabbing hold of Kakiad’s cock he sucked on the head, running his tongue along sensitive skin before pressing it to the opening in the other’s glans, sucking away the river of precum flowing into his mouth.
The compliment had a purr rising from his chest as he pulled Kakiad down his throat, letting the vibrations echo between them, eyes rolling back just slightly.
Scott’s sand-papery tongue scraped at the sensitive skin of Kakiad’s glans, and the fallen god felt nothing but very intense pleasure from it. When his dear friend pressed the tip of his rough tongue into the slit in his glans, the pleasure-pain that spiked through him drew a shuddering gasp from the slave. Precum poured, which soon gave way to thick, slimy cum. His knot did not swell, for he did not allow it to.
Kakiad’s hands tightened their grip on Scott’s head when the metacrisis slid down and took the fallen god’s entire length into and down his throat. Kakiad gasped, his hips pushing forwards of their own accord as he poured his come directly down Scott’s esophagus.
Pressing clawed hands bac onto Kakiad’s arse Scott pressed his lips flush to Kakiad’s groin and drank down all that was given to him; feeling as if his body had suddenly been doused in ice cold water.
After a few minutes he pulled away from Kakiad, a long thread of cum idly licked away from his lips as he slumped back against the wall of the shower and panted for air, scrubbing at his face.
All at once his body seemed to cool down, and then went cold; the fire in his belly eased as his skin registered just how cold it had gotten in the shower; prompting him to scramble for the knob and turn the water off. And then the moment of coherence was gone, like a flipped light switch, gut burning.
Sitting there shivering he glanced up at Kakiad a moment, and licked his lips again, leaning forward so he could get back on his knees, hands latching onto Kakaid’s lower back, licking at his cock again. A but of cum wasn’t good enough this time, his hole ached to be filled and he could feel his bum leaking.
When was he capable of self lubrication? He’d worry about it when he had two brain cells to rub together – right now he just wanted to get Kakiad under him and this wonderfully thick cock back inside.